MANPAINT & my singing debut
i usually shrug it off or make some funny quip to change the subject.
as much as i love music i never really wanted to perform in front of people, most likely because of my childhood i had a bad speech impediment and would be laughed at and ridiculed because of it. i pretty much got over that though i was nearly 20 years old that i would no longer have a problem speaking to others despite most of my problem with L's & R's being long gone thanks to a latino woman from the bronx who served as my speech therapist and had great patience with my silly pronunciation of many words that had L or R's in them.
anyway, to shorten an already long story, my friends were like "hey, the stage is empty -- lets jamm!" so with wasco & nate on drums, tony merritt, michael_p on guitar (leads) and michael_w & jae doing a bunch of things with pedals and percussion i stood back and enjoyed the rythyms until wasco starts giving me the "WTF-dude? eye" and i thought hey what the heck their all good friends and the door is shut without an audience so i figured maybe i'll just make some of my weird humms into the mic an everything would be OK..
well, the band was sounding really good doing this improv/experimental/noise thing and i thought up a couple lyrics that i sang over the loudness in a soprano and started to take some chances with my voice by inflecting it from soprano to a slow-falceto near scream. this went on for a little bit and actually sounded pretty good despite my voice giving out with the craziness i was asking of it.
afterwards my friends thought it was awesome and wasco was talking about getting shows scheduled and tony was preparing the flyer's (for said show) in his mind and i was thinking 'these dudes know me more than anyone but they actually know very lil of me and my problem with performing'. i really want to do this but its have to be at my pace and told them "if there is going to be any band, i'm going to call the shots", i was not being pretenious but its my direct way of handling situations that i believe could fuck me up further than i already am. sort of like my defense against getting ridiculed as a child was to shut my mouth and deal with ridicule with my fists, fighting is not acceptable as an adult so i settle uncomfortable things by either telling people to fuck-off or that i'll handle the situation my way.
since then we had small conversations about finalizing things like final lineup of "manpaint" (months before my debut tony and i talked about if we ever get in a band together we'll call it "manpaint" -- a story for another day). so the lineup will change and i want to add a bass and drop a guitarist. and maybe some other small changes, i'm just hoping my friends won't think i'm power-hungry with decisions i want to control so i can overcome the problems i have or like i said before: 'i don't have to be in a band'. either way, i'ld like to thank the aforementioned peeps for pushing me, it was fun.