Thursday, October 12, 2006

weird

i have been in a mood slump for a week now. the closing of the church was the start. now i don't even want to think about that but i still am and its bringing up all kinds of crazy shit in my brain.

thought i would never miss my arguments and fights with wasco but he has been on tour for about 10 days now and feeling like i need to talk with him, and my favorite ballcap is in his backseat.
i left it there when we [feeq, the serb & i] stopped at steves hotdog lunch after a show at the beachland.
i had the meatloaf sandwich between two pieces of bread and smothered in gravy like mom use to make it, 2 bucks. wasco just laughed but he had six butt-burners [chili-cheeze dogs with tons of onions], i think rafeeq had the usual [2 cheese burgers & a handfull of butt-burners].
it was your usual steves lunch crowd at 3am with arguments with a dude that was previously banned, this older rock-couple clad in tight leather with his woman being loud and stupid, he was just stupid.

none of that bothered me, nor did my birthday when my bike was stolen [as much], or when my car was stolen.

tonight when i was riding home, under-dressed in the pouring rain & temps in the 40s i was wondering why it wasn't colder and more miserable. everything i think lately is the worst of what that 'thing' represents. on that wet ride home i stopped at the corner gas station on clark & scranton for a six-pak and when i walked in the attendant had his back to me and was dozing off and the first thing that popped in my brain was 'dumb-shit, i coulda had your head blown off before you even waked', thats not normal thinking..

i tried pulling myself outta this by: catching up on all [most] of my photography, helping people with things, not 'going-off' on people so much and just trying to do good for people. i even cleaned my living room, all that stuff usually helps bring my moods up but hasn't done squat and listening to music i think is just making things worse.

the beer helps some but i have a hankering to 'up the ante' on the stimulant tip and go back out on my bike and find something. i'm still wet from the ride home 2 hours ago, so i have that going for me.

"when the world is sick, can't no-one be well? but i dreamnt we all beautiful and strong" silver mt zion

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